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‘MAN, IT’S SO UNFAIR!’ UNITED
With all the charm, sophistication and rigour of a 15-year-old who thinks the world is against him and regularly wanks into a sock, Man United fans are well and truly disenchanted with how fate has conspired to leave them 13th in the table and bottom of their Champions League group. After Rasmus Højlund’s first ‘goal’ for the Red Devils was pathetically ruled out because the ball went out of play half a second earlier, United fans, as one, have declared that there’s a “conspiracy…
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IVAN EAGERNESS TO TRAIN
Spread-betting, suspended, England-wannabe-targetman and Brentford centre forward, Ivan Toney, is living a personal hell. He’s gone on record, saying that not being allowed to train is like “being in football prison”. He wants to try supporting Rotherham. Given that ‘football prison’ presumably means only one 45-minute session daily out in the yard for shuttles and that he could well spend more time widening the circle of his friends, there is a fair amount of speculation…
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PUTTING PEP’S PAIN IN PERSPECTIVE
Balding, tactical Gandalf and Man City manager, Pep Guardiola, is recuperating in hospital. The bearded, tactical Merlin and Citizens manager told reporters, “I have a bad back.” A spokesman for Man United said, “Pah, that’s nothing. We’ve got Harry McGuire.”
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