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Latest Headlines
REFEREES ARE ON THE PULL
Premier League referees will change how they judge players who pull hair this season – after three saw red for it in 2025-26 via VAR. Referees will look for a “clear and deliberate action” before making a decision. Players are fuming, especially Erling Haaland, who took drastic scissor action this summer to foil grabby defenders. The nordic striker changed his look from ‘long-haired, Scandinavian bulldog’ to the classic ‘bulldog’. While the rules around hair-pulling are…
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EVEN BALD MEN WANT INFANTINO OUT
The National Organisation Hoping Alopecia Is Receding (NOHAIR) have today SLAMMED slapheaded, white-trainer-wearing-with-black-suit-really-yes-really FIFA President Gianni Infantino for his venal, craven, grasping selling out of the beautiful game. FIFA-FOE-FUM, I SMELL THE MONEY A cue-ball, domed spokesman said “It’s a disgrace! I don’t think baldies should ever contemplate selling off a stake in the World Cup. Until then, he had our full support because getting a baldy in a position of power was a huge coup. He was…
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SPURRED ON TO BUY
Spurs’ transfer window buying spree is neatly summed up by their manager, the always-in-black-like-he’s-delivering-Milk-Tray, Roberto De Zerbi. “ALL THIS SHOPPING’S GIVEN ME AN APPETITE” “We’ll buy anyone.” he says. “If they’re good at football, we want them. We need players who can do keepie-uppies, stepovers and that ’round-the-world’ thing that ten-year-olds spend all day trying to do down the park. Those sorts of fancy dan players, along with Richarlison, are in the Spurs tradition and will look great…
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