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Latest Headlines
RETURN OF THE MAC ALLISTER
Former World Cup-winning skinhead, Alexis Mac Allister has told anyone who will listen that he is “sad” not to be offered a new contract at Liverpool. “I’M THE ELITEST MANAGER IN THIS ROOM” Mac Allister blubbed, “All the new players in but no contract for me. It’s not fair. Dommy and Ryan – they have both got one. And Ryan doesn’t run as much as me – or look so bristly and aggressive. This skin…
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Latest Headlines
TODD BOEHLS OUT
Chelsea’s kid in a sweetshop owner, Todd ‘How-Did-Someone-That-Shit-At-Doing-Business-Manage-To-Buy-Chelsea-In-The-First-Place’ Boehly, is keen to get out and is close to an agreement to sell his stake in the Blues. His track record in player purchases and sales shows an excellent understanding of football pricing. No wonder then that he’s selling his stake in the Stamford Bridge club for £14 trillion or £69.99 – whichever’s higher. “I’ve never really understood you folk’s English money”. Not that we couldn’t…
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Latest Headlines
REFEREES ARE ON THE PULL
Premier League referees will change how they judge players who pull hair this season – after three saw red for it in 2025-26 via VAR. Referees will look for a “clear and deliberate action” before making a decision. Players are fuming, especially Erling Haaland, who took drastic scissor action this summer to foil grabby defenders. The nordic striker changed his look from ‘long-haired, Scandinavian bulldog’ to the classic ‘bulldog’. While the rules around hair-pulling are…
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