One thing all politicians know for definite is that football should be doing their job for them. Faced with every global conflict and major social issue, the government see football as a political football that must show its support for everybody and everything – without offending or alienating anyone else.
Our glorious political leaders have been climbing over themselves to show the public they care. They asked for future internationals to have the Wembley arch lit in the colours of the Ukrainian flag, the Palestinian flag, the Israeli flag, those nice Rainbow colours, or funereal black. In fact, whichever colour might win them the most votes. So, the FA’s decision not to light it up for any cause, has caused much disappointment in Government. Pocket-sized PM, Rishi Sunak, the most impressive leader since the last one, is unfamiliar with not getting his way.
He said, “Football is a celebration or a disgrace. It just depends upon what’s just happened in the news and whatever the rabid, right-wing foghorns of ignorance that dominate political thinking are baying for at the time. This pathetic refusal to show respect for the front page of the Daily Torygraph every day is, frankly, a disgrace.”
He wittered on, “It’s not like we’re being political about it. All we ask is that football colours the Wembley Arch whatever colour we demand. Except orange. We’d never ask for orange, as that colour’s been hijacked by those Don’t Stop Oil fuckers. However, bright red we find totally acceptable. What better celebration of global warming thanks to topping up fossil fuels and my shares in them?”
Another Tory MP – who friends lovingly call ‘a bigoted right-wing wanker’ – said, “How dare football say no. That namby-pamby sport needs to get its bloody house in order. It should stop supporting taking the knee, democratisation, Free School Meals, Save the Rain Forest, Black Lives Matter, Greta Thunberg, trans/gay/women’s rights and other Wokerati blob bollocks… and start supporting tax cuts for those who are deservedly fucking loaded. That’s where the votes are.”
