\nThough Thomas Tuchel has just been appointed as manager of Chelsea, trigger-happy despot, Roman Abramovich, has already scheduled the German\u2019s sacking.\n\n\n\n\n\nROMAN - BEING FRANK\n\n\n\n\n\nThe somewhat murkily moneyed pal of Putin normally just skulks around in the background. But today he said, \u201cI would like to thank Thomas for all he\u2019s about to do for the club. However, sadly, I\u2019m left with no choice but to sack him before he\u2019s been here for fifteen months. \n\n\n\n\n\n\u201cThe board are totally in agreement that it\u2019s time for Thomas to leave. Mainly that's because I am the board. It would be a bit weird for different parts of my body to disagree with other parts.\n\n\n\n\n\n\u201cRecent results have probably been below expectations. I don\u2019t know that for certain as I only watch the odd game, but it\u2019s a reasonable excuse. There is never a good time to part with a manager except, that is, when I get a bit bored of them grovelling or having to talk to them. \n\n\n\n\n\n"WHY DO THEY CHASE THAT ROUND THING?"\n\n\n\n\n\n\u201cI only have three conversational gambits: \u201cIsn\u2019t Putin great?\u201d, \u201cHave you seen my sexy wife?\u201d and a joke about the Novichok poison. That doesn\u2019t translate well as westerners don\u2019t find poisoning funny. Once each manager's heard these a few times, they look bored and I have to sack them for insubordination. So, after a lengthy discussion with my diary, it\u2019s been decided that a change is needed at some point in the future.\n\n\n\n\n\nLAMPARD - WHO'S SARRI NOW?\n\n\n\n\n\n"Let\u2019s face it, it doesn\u2019t matter who I - sorry, we - pick as manager. As long as we maintain the Club's policy of buying loads of players, loaning them to other Premiership clubs who rely heavily on them then can\u2019t pick them to play us so we have an unfair (yet totally unnoticed) advantage. \n\n\n\n\n\n\u201cThis policy ensures we stand a pretty good chance of winning stuff whichever muppet is in charge and that we remain every football fan\u2019s favourite club.\u201d\n
Well it would be funny if it wasn’t true .. hold on it’s not funny it’s sad but then that’s Chelski for you!
That’s the point.
Oh well back to seeing Soton part deux!