Normal service is resumed! Both for the Premier League and us here at Kick Around Football. KAF was Meta-hacked – taken down in unceremonious fashion like Erling Haaland’s dad was by Roy Keane.
It’s good to be back after the break. And it’s good to have the Premier League back with all its usual rivalries. There’s Arsenal v Spurs, Man United v Liverpool and Man City v the British Legal System.
After the ins and outs, ups and downs, and ons and offs of the Euros, we can now get down to serious business. The business of taking the piss out of the lunacy that is the Premier League. Or, as their marketing department would have it, ‘the most exciting’ competition in the world’. And us fans can see how the golden England boys re-adapt to club football after their laborious and ultimately thwarted efforts in Germany.
On England’s journey to the final, Gareth Safetygate felt that he got the best out of the players. But as the England team now return to their various clubs, what can some of the big names expect?
Serial game-changer Cole Palmer can certainly expect to get to play the full 90 minutes every match day. The super-sub with that assist, Ivan Toney, will get more playing time in just this single weekend than he did in the entire tournament. He can bet his house on that. And Trent Alexander-Arnold will discover where the f*@k his new gaffer thinks he will Slot in.
Father of three with the Frankenstein haircut, Phil Foden, can finally play in his best position. He’ll be given the ball constantly instead of having to ask for the bloody thing constantly. And the nipper, Jude Bellingham – who’s in a different league anyway (in every sense)- will have to come to terms with being in a team that has players who are as good as him.
It’ll be particularly tough for Anthony Gordon. He will – thanks to manager Eddie Howe – be given time to become re-acquainted with the game of football. Gaffer Gareth will have to put up with being top of the list for possible new managers for most of the year starting at the end of September when Chelsea decide it’s not working. And spare a thought for the England captain, Harry Kane, who will stay in Germany and undergo therapy to be gently re-introduced to the concept of running around at all.
Either way, the Premier League starts again this coming weekend and us fans can look forward to all the usual bollocks: over-priced beverages and under-fire officials; over-sized wage packets and underwhelming performances; over-the-top tackles and underdog embarrassments. Not forgetting, of course, VAR – new, improved, finessed and just as sh*t and controversial as usual. Friday can’t come quick enough.
