Two of the funniest football comedy shows are in a battle for TV ratings. The hilarious antics of Manchester United (conceived by the titans of humour and original Chuckle Brothers, The Glazers) are going head-to-head with the rib-cracking, side-splitting shenanigans at champion chortlers, Chelsea. It seems they’re more concerned with their ratings on TV than on FIFA.
While Todd Boehly keeps finding witty new ways to spend millions and keep the whole footballing world laughing at Stamford Bridge, the giant of comedy that is Man United keeps coming up with equally thrilling comic spectacles to get us all giggling. This is thanks to Erik Ten-Games-To-Save-His-Job Hag, with his David Brent goatee and hilarious lines to match.
Zingers like “I understand fans are expecting a win and we didn’t win and we lost”, are keeping the fans crying tears of laughter into their pints.
Chelsea regularly hit back with the evergreen classic, “Have you seen how Raheem Sterling runs?” But, this silly season, they have introduced fresh and immediate classics. For instance, pulling off the comedy masterstroke of signing Mykhailo Mudryk for a trifling 108 million dollars and having the Pochet Rocket rinse him at the Crossbar Challenge. Boehly’s next comic stunt will involve him setting fire to wads of fifty pound notes whilst, in the background, Mudryk fails to hit a cow’s arse with a banjo.
Fans of the two comedy giants simply cannot wait for the next instalment. And frankly, neither can the rest of us. We haven’t laughed this much since watching Harry Kane give his team talk at Spurs.
Some Chelsea and Man United fans have wittily quipped, “It’s shit to watch the overpaid tossers waft around like Johnny Bigbollocks, thinking they’re gods when they get off the coach in wanky headphones and carrying naff little toilet bags.” But in the coming weeks both clubs have cracking comic master-pieces lined up. Chelsea’s plotline will see them sign a hairdresser from Prestatyn who’s never played football for a billion quid on a 25-year contract. Man United will bring back Harry Maguire.