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VAR YOU SERIOUS?? PREMIER LEAGUE’S NEW ‘FOOLPROOF’ VAR SOLUTION

After a week of shocking VAR decisions affecting relegation and European possibilities, the Premier League have today revealed a revolutionary new system that, according to their spokesman, will ‘guarantee the correct decision every time’. This comes as a relief after more midweek mayhem.

Fernandes wins a dubious penalty thanks to poor VAR decision
BRUNO – FOUL PLAY

That saw VAR officials fess up to as many as THREE wrong penalty decisions, including Man Utd’s Portuguese pirouette that left Villa in a spin and Spurs’ spurned spot-kick that managed to boost Bournemouth. 

Harry Kane pushed over in the penalty box
KANE – NO PUSHOVER

“It’s a no-brainer,” explained the spokesman, “Despite all the technology available, we needed to take VAR up another level – and that is precisely what we have done.  It’s clear that we can have no end of replays at Stockley Park and still not be sure of the right decision – which is crap.

STOCKLEY PARK – ‘CRAP’

“But that is all in the past.” He smiled. “From now on, we will keep three officials outside the door – with headphones on. It’ll be just like in Mr&Mrs

OFFICIALS – UNSIGHTED

“We pause the video before the build-up play. We then call the officials who run in as we press play.  Brilliant, eh?  They will see the action once and once only and make a decision.  It makes perfect sense. Almost like they are on the pitch.  They’ll practically be eye-witnesses. 

“And the best bit?  The match referee will go to the touchline screen to get the judgement from our VAR ref who has seen the incident real time. What could be more straightforward?”   

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