The Reds’ manager, Only Gunna Sackyer, has hit out at ‘blatant bias’ from the powers-that-be who have decided to give Man United no penalty following the fans’ protest last week.
“UNSTEADY” – EDDIE CAVANI
“Whenever we step on the pitch, we aim to win a penalty.” squeaked the Norwegian. “Whether it’s Bruno stumbling after stamping on a defender’s ankle outside the box, Poggy tripping over his own size 15s or Rash the Bash doing as José, The Sly One, taught him, we’re guaranteed a spot-kick. We’ve paid loads for players like Unsteady Eddie Cavani precisely for his incredible talents in the box.
“All in one slick move, he can recover from the embarrassment of missing a back-heel goal by pretending the Roma defence shot him way after the ball had gone – and gets a penalty. Genius. Then this? I’m appalled.”
Only was, of course, referring to the decision to give no penalty to United following the debacle that was the game against Liverpool. “It makes no sense at all. We had something like 100 manc twats in the penalty box. They were effing and jeffing, wielding flares and corner flags but not even a sniff of a penalty. And no VAR consulted either! It’s a joke.
“I’M LOSING TRACK – WHO’S ON DIVING DUTY THIS GAME?”
“I’m delighted. We can get back to what we do best – winning penalties. And Bruno can start scoring again. Four games in eight days is ideal. It means I can rotate the squad and give more fringe players the chance to throw their hands in the air, roll around and get us the penalties we are due.
Thank god for those people who sit behind a desk in their suits and who’ve never played football.”
