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Harry Kane today denied ever denying the denial which denied his previous denial that denied denying he was leaving Tottenham. 


Free-scoring, all-round good citizen Kane said, “Playing for Spurs is all I’ve ever wanted – oh, and to win trophies too – so I’m sticking with my decision to stick with my decision that I’m staying and/or going. Bit like the gaffer. Me and Sonny have a unique partnership, see. He passes to me, I pass to him – skills way beyond the rest of the team.”

When quizzed further, Kane accepted having accepted the acceptance that he accepted he had to move on to win trophies. However, he insisted on his insistence where he had insisted trophies could be won at the Tottenham Hotspur Stadium – he insisted.  

The top Tottenham shirt seller said, “Me and Sonny love playing with each other.  But we’re not a two-man team. There’s those other ones behind us that make the numbers up to eleven. I sometimes see some of them if I’m back defending, dropping into midfield or playing in the hole.  They’re great. They have the same kit on. They tuck their shirts in nicely and say things like “Go on, Harry, you and Sonny get up there and get us some goals.”


“I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this, but I like playing with Sonny.  Me and him, we have a telepathetic-like relationship. He speaks to me in my head. It’s mostly in Korean so I haven’t got a clue what he’s talking about – but I reckon he’s saying things like ‘I’m running! Pass to me, Harry.’  So, I do.


“When me and Sonny head off to our new club, which I deny we’ve already signed for by the way, it’ll be easy for us keep this telepathetic relationship going. I just keep my brain empty. That way there’s loads of space for him to keep saying stuff in my head in Korean. Things like ‘On me ‘ead, Harry, me old mucker’, ‘Parasite has revolutionised Korean cinema‘ and ‘Thank God we’re not at Spurs anymore’. 

Er…though we will be.”

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