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RASHFORD MAKES GOVERNMENT SICK AS PARROTS

Despite earlier lambasting ‘Free School Meals Champion’ Marcus Rashford – hoping he’d shut up and let them do nothing – many Tory MPs have now nimbly taken to labelling him a “fine, inspirational young man.” 

DO NOTHING – RASHFORD

Health Secretary Matt Hancock – Hott Mancock to his friends – showed he can skilfully talk tough when he put the ‘ring of steel’ round the care homes where all those people died.  He also cleverly managed to pit dying NHS workers against overpaid footballers during the worst excesses of Covid 19, the great political strategy being ‘Footballers are rich. Let’s get the proles to hate them so they forget about us.”    

HOTT MANCOCK – FLOPPED

Mancock, like many genius thinkers in the Government, has now seamlessly flip-flopped, virtually mid-sentence, saying, “Look, you overpaid young man, leave the running of the UK up to- no, hold on, I’m being told that… yes, Marcus Rashford is just fabbo.  And let me tell you – that’s exactly what I’ve always thought.”

Meanwhile the little known Work and Pensions Secretary, Thérèse Coffey, astutely replied to a series of impassioned tweets from Rashford about the plight of the poor.  When he said poor parents could be left without water, she brilliantly caught him out with a single, deft tweet on the subject, “Water cannot be disconnected though.”  Genius comeback. She quite literally mugged him off good and proper there. 

With his customary bonhomie and wit, PM Boris Johnson said “When Rashers first piped up, we were as sick as a parrot, but now we’ve nicked some dosh from the foreign aid budget for free school meals, we’re over the moon and it quite literally hasn’t sunk in yet.” 

JOHNSON – RIGHT WING

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