LYING RYAN FINDS A NEW EXCUSE

The international break rudely interrupts proceedings once more this week and one country’s manager will be missing from the dug-out for his team’s internationals. For Wales’ three upcoming games, Gareth Bale and the whole Welsh national outfit will be there – save (hardly private) Ryan.

Throughout his entire playing career, Giggs – who somehow managed to shag his brother’s missus, Natasha Giggs, for the best part of ten years without getting caught so hats off to him – consistently managed to miss Wales matches. This was because he regularly pulled off a very clever collection of lame excuses for being lame.

His persistent absences from the national team sheet occurred thanks to a whole array of ‘worrying ailments’. On his list was “feeling under the weather”, “woke up with a sniffle” and “a bit yoga’d out”. Regular claims included “tweaked hamstring”, “feeling his groin” (though he never specified who was doing the feeling) and, of course, “stiffness” (which was no doubt true where his sister-in-law was concerned).   Whichever excuse Giggs churned out for his no-shows, everyone knows the truth. Alex Ferguson told him he was not going anywhere while there was the small matter of silverware to be won.   

Giggs is now “assisting the police with their enquiries”. Meanwhile his post as Welsh manager has been filled by Robert Page, the former Watford, Cardiff City and Chesterfield stalwart. 

Page’s managerial pedigree with Port Vale and Northampton Town speaks volumes but the Welsh FA are thrilled for unrelated reasons. For a start, Page has very sturdy hamstrings. He also comes with the added bonus that he’s never shagged his brother’s wife nor has he ever been arrested for assault on his girlfriend. He’ll probably turn up.