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ARSENAL SENSATION – ARTETA NOT SACKED!

The world of football has been rocked to its very core. Yet another day has passed without Mikel Arteta getting sacked.   In a sensational development earlier today, there was furore as the Spanish tailor’s dummy – posing as Arsenal manager – wasn’t given the Spanish archer (aka the elbow).

ARTETA – NOT DELIVERED

Pundits and fans across the country have been left reeling from the bombshell that Arteta’s P45 has not been delivered. But wait, is there an update? Nope, we’ve just refreshed and, in the last few seconds, it has been revealed that the Captain Black of the Mysterons lookalike is still the Gunner’s gaffer.  

Arsenal’s calamitous start to the season has amazed the Premier League Soccerati. They raised an eyebrow or two at Arteta and Arsenal’s shrewd moves in the transfer market.  These moves weren’t at all dire or lacking in any sort of competence whatsoever.

Gifting Martinez to Aston Villa for £17m and now buying Aaron ‘Twice-Relegated-Already’ Ramsdale for £30m – even when he’s not as good – was a masterstroke.  Spaffing £50m on Ben White also looks like great business – especially when the England defender kept new boys Brentford down to two

RAMSDALE: DON’T WORRY. I KNOW ALL ABOUT RELEGATION.

Here at the KAF offices, we’ve left it a good ten minutes now, because you never know. However, we are compelled to report that the footballing fraternity are staggered, bewildered and dumbfounded in that order to learn that the helmet-haired Arsenal mannequin – sorry, manager – is still the Emirates Emperor. Three games gone and the Gunners are at the opposite end of the table from their North London rivals. Not only that, they have yet to ‘trouble the scorers’. KAF asked for a statement regarding why Arteta has not been sacked. The spokesman said, “That would be pointless.” That’s exactly what they are.

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