Latest Headlines


The entire BBC are furious that the Premier League have decided the football season won’t be resumed till mid-June because they’re running out of Match Of The Day Top 10s to entertain the nation with. A BBC Match of the Day spokesman said “Shit the bed – it’s tough.”


“Match of the Day Top 10s is one of the only programmes we’re allowed to make.  To keep everyone employed, we now have more than forty BBC-ers trying to explain to Wrighty how to use Zoom and he still doesn’t get it.”


“He may be a national treasure and have scored more than 300 goals in his career but we don’t want to see up his nose.  You’re not recording this, are you?” Reassured, our BBC source continued his rant, “And we’re running out of the bloody things; we’ve done Top 10 Strikers, Top 10 Captains, Top 10 Ballon d’Or winners – all with no footage because it’s a fuck sight cheaper. 

I can’t believe we actually did Top 10 Bonkers Moments and, scraping the bloody barrel, Top 10 Best Premier League Players Ever Outside The Top Six Clubs – I mean, come on. Seriously? David fucking Batty? 

“June 17th? What’s wrong with right now? Our team have been up all night every night brainstorming and, I’m warning you, in the pipeline we have Top 10 Brazen Ball Boys, Top 10 Midfielders Called Graham and Top 10 Soccer Sex Scandals – I mean, how much more publicity does Wayne Rooney’s OAP prostitute actually need.  Wait – this is off the record right?”    


Once lied to about any of this going any further, he continued, “Top 10 Post Match Moisturising Regimes may be dull but, let’s face it, nothing we do will be as bad as the latest series of Have I Got News For You.”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Related Articles

Back to top button