Thanks to KICKAROUNDFOOTBALL’s 21st Century, hi-tech, long-distance, cutting edge recording equipment – otherwise known as a parabolic recorder (no, really) – we were able to secrete ourselves behind the pallet of sponsored sugary-drink bottles at Real Madrid’s training ground and record Zinedine Zidane’s latest “You can’t play for Real Madrid” conversation with that guy who used to be really good at Spurs. Even with them in masks, you can make out the argument as the manager tries to kick Bale out.
Here is the transcript in full.
GARETH: Can I have a word, gaffer?
ZIZOU: What is zis ‘gaffer’? And, sorry, who are you?
GARETH: I’m Gareth Bale, see. I play for Real Madrid.
ZIZOU: Not while I am here, you don’t.
GARETH: Too effin’ right. While you’re here I play around at Real Madrid. (sniggers) Did you see my hilarious hand binoculars when you once again made me a pointless, never-playing substitute? The whole of Wales laughed uproariously.
ZIZOU: Bof, who cares? I say I respect you ze same way I respect everyone else at ze club when I clearly sink you play sheet. Ze whole of France collectively sniggers behind zer hands.
GARETH: Just so you know, I won’t play for you no more.
ZIZOU: And I won’t pick you.
GARETH: But I said it first.
ZIZOU: I sink you’ll find I deed.
GARETH: Didn’t.
ZIZOU: Deed. You sink you are so important because you score in a Champions League final with an overhead kick.
GARETH: It’s more than you’ve got over head, Baldy.
ZIZOU: Stupid girl-bun hair wearer.
GARETH: It may be stupid but at least I’d never use it to headbutt Italians in the World Cup final.
ZIZOU: No, because you’d never get zere.
GARETH: Pointless, drag -back merchant.
ZIZOU: Player wiz only one foot.
GARETH: Ner, ner, ner, ner – not listening. When the team gave you the bumps, I stood nearby looking bored and it was me who was all over the press.
ZIZOU: Yes, in Pontypool.
GARETH Well, I’m not playing and I’m not leaving.
ZIZOU Et voilà, welcome to your new position. Left back in Real Madrid.
The irony that the Welshman began his career at left back in Southampton was not lost on us nor the phlegmatic Zidane as he giggled his way back to the Real bus to Madrid. Whether Bale’s out for good or Bale sinks without trace will be known in the next secret recording we manage to get – and we may even play the audio if we can get close enough for a good quality recording. Bloody social distancing is such a pain.
One Comment