Current crisis crisis club Liverpool are clearly in a crisis. Despite two 3-1 wins in the capital, people in the press and on telly have said so – like that charming Jamie Carragher – so it must be true. Crisis club manager, Yourgone Klopp, admitted his team are tired “physically and mentally”. Well, working for 90 minutes twice a week can be very draining.
KLOPP – LONG IN THE TOOTH?
The crisis has changed Klopp. He was the nice sort of German who does big lederhosen-style laughs, accepts the war was a shameful mistake, has an excellent dentist and an even better smile. Now he’s a mad, swivel-eyed, over-whitened-gnasher-flasher and too old to be wearing a baseball cap.
Against Brighton, his team looked like a shadow of their former selves. And that was withoutwearing their all-black third kit. If they’d been wearing that against a team in red, they’d look like a shadow of their former selves, a shadow of the team they’re playing against and, poignantly, both teams combined would be like one Liverpool XI comprised of Liverpool players with actual shadows. So… what has gone so badly wrong for fourth-placed Liverpool, seven points off the top and still in Champions League? Well…
The defence’s been a shit-fest since Van Dijk was fairly tackled by level-headed nut-job Jordan Pickford. In the 24 games since VD feigned injury in a lazy Dutch way after being tapped on the meniscus by that chummy scissor chop, Liverpool have let in 16 goals which sounds like the third stingiest record in the league – and it is.
PICKFORD : LEVEL-HEADED
The crisis at Liverpool may be extinguished when the laid back dutchman finishes his joint and deigns to return and tighten up the defence to ensure teams like Aston Villa are kept to a mere seven goals.
The midfield has been full of holes. That’a because all the midfielders have started playing at centre back. Seven or eight new centre backs have been signed in the transfer window. Sadly they’re either too young or too Turkish to start yet. And up front, problems abound.
SALAH : SHOW-OFF
The selfish Mo Salah – who tries to hide his selfishness by donating millions to Egypt’s poor and underprivileged with show-offy stuff like building girls’ schools and lifting people out of poverty – sometimes doesn’t pass when he’s put through but shoots. Fine when he scores. But if he misses, surely he should pass instead.
Until all three areas of the team are put right and playing properly, the Liverpool fans will be heard shouting, “Chop Klopp – Stop the Top Kop Flop”. Not easy after a couple of pints.
