Manchester United’s mammoth centre-back, Harry Maguire, is over the moon that the Greek judge’s decision to give him a prison sentence has been suspended. Speaking as he left his favourite Manchester kebab house, the delighted Maguire said,
“I’m delighted. I finally got the kebab I’d been asking for in Mykonos. As for the decision against me being suspended, it’s the perfect result. Once VAR has looked at all the evidence, they’re bound to give us the result we want.”
Man-mountain Maguire (so-called because he stands like a mountain and moves like one too) continued, “So what if some uncultured Greek bobby doesn’t know who I am? Or what a handful of dosh looks like when it’s flashed under his nose?
“VAR knows what to do when it comes to Man United. They’ve looked after us brilliantly all season. When I’m last out of defence they still call the offside. When I’m last out of the bar they’re not going to call for me to go inside, are they? They know who I am.”
