Arsenal manager and Captain Black lookalike, Mikel Arteta, has commented on reports linking him with the managerial job at Barcelona. The Spaniard says he is “only interested in managing Arsenal”.
ARTETA – SWIMMING CAP ON BACKWARDS?
Whilst Arsenal fans are interested to see when he’s going to start, the Barcelona presidential election has led to the usual piffle over possible new managers. One candidate, Joan Laporta Estruch – which translates into English as ‘I own half of Catalonia’ – denies that he’d say any old shit to try and get the job.
He then said, “Arteta fits Barcelona the same way a beautiful woman fits on my arm – perfectly. Mikel is perfect for us. Barcelona is a club that was once imperious but that now only plays mediocre football and is trading on past glories – exactly what Mikel has achieved with Arsenal.”
One player they will be keen to off-load is Alexandre Lacazette. This surprise move particularly disappointed the behind-the-scene Arsenal money men. The club shop’s shirt-printing operation recently bought a job lot of letter ‘Z’s and will be totally stuffed.
Yes, of course, they still have David ‘Centre-Back-Giant-Curly-Permed-Jerky-Runner-Around’ Luiz in the team. But, let’s be honest. Which young Gunner wants that name printed on their back in the school playground? Unless, obviously, they aim to make at least three glaring errors every break time.
LUIZ – CANNON
We asked for a comment from former Arsenal manager-supreme, all-round wise man and general football guru, Arsene Wenger, but he said “Pardonnez-moi, I didn’t see anything.”
