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EVERTON’S PREMIER LEAGUE APOLOGY SHOCK

Everton manager, Frank Lampard’s fury at last week’s penalty decision has, unbelievably, forced the Premier League to issue an apology.

NO HANDBALL – VAR YOU SURE???

After Everton were denied a penalty last week, ex-Chelsea and Derby County gaffer, Lampard was spitting cobs. With only minutes left, Man City’s Spanish midfielder Rodri and his right arm played a blinder. They combined to brilliantly block a dangerous cross in the City area.

At the time referee, Paul Tierney, ‘didn’t see’ the incident so decided against a penalty. And VAR, despite over two minutes spent reviewing the bicep-to-ball incident, agreed with the man in black and didn’t bother him with a trip to the monitor. Risking the wrath of the Premier League, public schoolboy and West Ham teen, Lampard accused Tierney and VAR of being ‘so incompetent to get it wrong’. 

DUCOURE & ALLAN GIVE THE REF A BIOLOGY LESSON

Within 48 hours, the one-time New York City/Man City Payday player had an apology from Professional Game Match Officials Limited – a body going by the catchy acronym of PGMOL.  Their boss, Mike Riley, former ref and fan of fellow relegation contenders, Leeds United, officially said sorry for the error. This no doubt will now make Everton’s relegation fight much easier.

THE PREMIER LEAGUE’SWANKY

Despite this rare admission by the PGMOL, the celebrity husband and World Cup disallowed non-goal scorer, Lampard must have known that, having approached the cash-strapped Premier League for an apology, ‘Sorry’ is the one word that has never, nor ever will, come out of Premier League HQ. Imagine his surprise when, earlier today, a Premier league spokesman called a press conference.

The spokesman, who wished to remain nameless, addressed the press assembled in their swanky Westminster HQ. Without hesitation he uttered the immortal words, “In response to Mr Lampard’s request, we are sorry.” Once the press had got over the initial shock, he went on.

PREMIER LEAGUE SPOKESMAN – HE SAYS

“We’re sorry but we don’t understand what Mr Lampard means by ‘Apology’. Is it a foreign TV station? Or a form of foreign currency perhaps?  If so, we will most certainly be interested.” 

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