Latest Headlines

DICK HURTS DIJK

Since Saturday afternoon, the red half of Liverpool has been a city in mourning for Virgil Van Dijk’s anterior cruciate ligament.

Cool, calm, goalkeeping nutjob, Jordan Pickford, injured Van Dijk by forgetting about the ball and pretending to be in a bad Kung Fu movie.  It’s not the first time the Everton sometime shot-stopper and, inexplicably, England keeper has come out rashly and done something stupid – that seems to happen four or five times a game.

PICKFORD – NUTJOB

But it is the first time he’s done it with Van Dijk’s ACL caught up in the mayhem. And that’s what has got pundits across the country over-reacting massively – especially all the ones who used to play for Liverpool which is about 50% of them. Unsurprisingly, Jamie Carragher was spitting with fury.

CARRAGHER – SPITTING

“Dat’s it.  Wi’ Virgil injured, dere’s no way we can win da title now.  Or win a game, or get possession or nuttink.  Or even cure Coronavirus. Coz our Virgil was so composed on and off de ball, he had time to think up global pandemic cures while dispossessing yer Agueros and yer Lacazettes.”

Uncharacteristically, Carragher was spot on – it doesn’t look like Van Dijk will be curing Coronavirus anytime soon.

But the tackle’s been the talk of the town and beyond. Since the incident on Saturday afternoon, it has featured in headlines everywhere from the newspapers to the TV. And everyone has an opinion – even the match referee, Michael Oliver, who said. ‘Er, what foul?’

PICK A CARD, ANY CARD

But this is a minor distraction from the really bad news for the city of what its Tier 3 lockdown does for people’s jobs and livelihoods. When asked about it, Liverpool’s mayor, Joe Anderson, was overheard moaning in a voice like Private Frazer off Dad’s Army, “We’re all doomed. Doomed, I tell you. A back four with Joe Gomez and Joel Matip is a disaster.”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

Related Articles

Back to top button